WHERE HAS THIS BEEN ALL MY LIFE

since mike myers is allegedly gay, elizabeth hurley is allegedly old, and heather graham is allegedly a has-been, tom brady is the new international man of mystery

i understand mary shelley's logic

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so sage

"I plan to win an Oscar"

"Jesus was persecuted, and I'm going to get persecuted"

-Heidi Montag, our generation's Audrey Hepburn (in both acting ability and quote-ability)

interesting

"A cold-water soak is an effective method to clean diamonds. Use six parts cold water to one part household ammonia, soak for 30 minutes, and drain on paper."

-Martha Stewart

add these kids to my list of musts:

vincent d'onofrio
danny masterson, or really just hyde from that 70s show, is truly my ideal man
the guy who writes wwtdd.com (seriously. funniest shit ever. especially about j love hewitt.)
JOEL MCHALE
craig ferguson

so if anyone has the ins, hook a sister up. thanks a milli

ok. tom cruise was on oprah i know, but thanks to tivo i'm just now viewing. i'm sorry, did someone slip an elephant tranq into his strawberries 'n scientology smoothie? i would def rather see him somersaulting off of oprah's loveseat than this quiet monotonous freakbot.

ps tom:

sorry for calling suri an alien 

she looks much more like a Beatle.

xoxo 

here's hopin'

i can NOT get enough of this. first 20-ish seconds it seems like a drag, but it's so worth the wait. i must meet the mastermind behind this video. i love this shit.

speaking of people i need to meet, 

people i need to meet:

rob

big

chelsea handler

the guy dressed as a pirate in the freecreditreport.com commercial

vince vaughn

THIS GUY

the gfy girls

ron white

shia labeouf

howard dean

jonah hill

nick swardson

nick swardson especially when he does gay robot

kylie, the little sister in mean girls

those hoes could def hang.

word association

oh my god i love googling things

speaking of god, thank you big man for the national geographic channel and its special on savants. 

this is a useful website for people like me, who love to read about healthy eating and the scary amount of calories you're really consuming, in the hopes that it will inspire you to stop eating such shit...it never does, but it's nice to pretend you're making an effort. plus you seem so knowledgeable, and we all know impressing other people is the only thing that matters.

speaking of my subscription to overeaters anonymous, what does 200 calories look like? 

if anything, wardrobe advice

'patterning your life around other's opinions is nothing more than slavery. '

(lawana blackwell the dowry of miss lydia clark)

bienvenidos a miami

I can't keep track of the Internet in my head anymore, so I'm going to use this to do it for me. 

I guess I could have a Bookmark folder, but those stress me out.

The name Sircus is lame as shit, so I should back it up:

• At 1 a.m. my creative juices can only think about pizza and mega mugs and the fact that
• my life is a three-ring circus and in addition 
• my name starts with S and now circus does too and this title
• has the word "sir" in it...I like men